Are you being two-timed?
By Bill Keith
You’ve left your sweetie two voicemails and sent a text message, and still you’ve heard nothing. And you’re starting to get that bad, suspicious feeling. Though you’ve both said you’re exclusive at this point, a little light bulb has just flicked on in your brain and — aha! — you’re thinking, “I’m being two-timed.” Before you leave him that next (threatening) next message, take some tips from Anthony DeLorenzo. He’s an infidelity specialist and private investigator with All State Investigations, a nationwide firm that receives at least 300 calls a week from suspicious men and women looking for answers and evidence about their honeys. Here are his six key signs that the love of your life may have another love life cooking behind your back.
1. Phone flubs
The telltale hang-up when you pick up your beloved’s home phone is a thing of the past; now, cell phones make communication between lovers much easier. But they’ve also created new problems... they leave an evidence trail: “We were out to dinner one night, he got a call and when I asked who it was, he had a lot of trouble coming up with an answer,” recalls Alex from Baltimore. “A few minutes later, he went to the bathroom and left his phone, so I had to look. Of course his ex-girlfriend’s name came up on the missed call list.” It’s not just the call log that can get cheaters in trouble: “The cell-phone bill is a huge indicator,” advises DeLorenzo. “It’s the easiest place to gather evidence—repeated, unfamiliar calls with a longer duration than others, for instance, especially early in the morning or late at night.” So if your partner gets weirded out when you see his cell phone bill out, it’s probably not because he’s embarrassed by the extravagant minutes plan he signed up for.
2. Working overtime
Just because your boyfriend or girlfriend’s work hours aren’t always consistent doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being cheated on, but you could well be in trouble: “It’s hard to come home from work and go back out to meet up with someone, so using the ‘working late’ excuse to account for missing time is a natural,” says DeLorenzo. “I used to call him at the office when he was supposedly working late, and he wouldn’t be there,” recalls Heather of Miami. “He had mentioned a female coworker a few times, so I started asking for her when he wasn’t there and guess who else was never available?”
3. A new interest in the net“Guys still primarily use the Internet for porn,” says DeLorenzo, “But I’d say that 90% of the women in chat rooms are in relationships and looking for someone to cheat with.” Email trails, however, are a problem for guys and girls alike. If you find your partner slamming their laptop every time you walk in on them checking their email (for the hundredth time that day), it’s fairly likely that they aren’t planning you a surprise party. If it’s a joint account (or if you know your sweetheart’s password and are the kind of person who’d snoop), you can search for the truth. There’s also the always good tactic of just asking for the truth.
4. Romance revisions
A sudden lack of interest in sex or a sudden display of new techniques can be solid indicators that something’s up. Women who cheat, for example, often need to separate their two relationships: “They don’t come home after having a tryst and then have sex with their partner,” says DeLorenzo. So if she’s not all that interested in a romp with you, it could mean she’s romping elsewhere. Men, on the other hand, tend to trip themselves up when they bust out new moves they’ve learned from someone else. “Women always tell me they first got suspicious when their partner started pulling crazy moves in the bedroom they knew their guy hadn’t learned from any magazine,” notes DeLorenzo.
5. “It’s your imagination”
“I’ve found that by the time someone starts suspecting their lover of being unfaithful, the affair is already six to twelve months old. Their partner has just started slipping up,” says DeLorenzo. At this point, the cheater is likely to turn the tables, making you feel guilty or paranoid for asking questions. That’s when alarm bells should ring. “I felt like something was up between my boyfriend and his ex — they were spending too much time together — so I confronted him about leaving me out of things,” recalls Erin of New York. “He told me I was crazy and accused me of looking for a fight. I didn’t feel so nuts a couple weeks later when I found another woman’s undies in his laundry hamper.”
6. “I need my space”
If you already suspect that your partner is cheating, and he or she asks for more space, this is not a good sign—“space” is likely a euphemism for “space away from you so I can see who else is out there.” Consider this case history: “After I accused him being too distant, my guy told me he needed some time alone to clear his head and was taking a scuba trip with some friends and he’d be unreachable for a few days. The day after he left, his itinerary from Club Med came,” tells Angie of Cleveland. “And he sure wasn’t there with his guy friends.” So if your special someone says time alone is needed, don’t be surprised if you’re being sent the signal that you’ll soon be solo—that’s the sad truth about how cheaters operate, so arm yourself with this knowledge.
Bill Keith is a writer and editor in New York.
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